Betrayal is bigger than “girl code”

Dear Amy: Last year, my husband and my best friend “Derry” were caught having a very intense emotional affair.

When it all came out, Derry was overheard saying that she didn’t care about breaking “girl code” and didn’t feel guilty about hurting anyone.

Her own marriage was in the toilet at the time, so she jeopardized mine.

I was obviously devastated and extremely angry.

Of course, the affair exposed fissures in my own marriage, and my husband and I had a year of intense marriage counseling and worked through it. We’re doing great now.

Derry never apologized in any meaningful way until last week, via email.

A mutual friend also saw her last week and talked to her about it, so I was privy to some of her feelings for the first time.

I learned that, like us, she and her husband did a lot of therapy and have patched things up.

Our mutual friend told me that Derry is in an enormous amount of pain over hurting me and cried through their whole conversation.

In her email, Derry said it took her a year and a half to reach out to me because she wanted to have enough perspective to make a genuine apology.

I believe this is true and I know she deeply regrets the pain she caused.