A successful survivor is stuck in her past

Dear Amy: I had a fabulous life — a big successful career, handsome husband, and gorgeous kids. I was well-known and acclaimed in my field. I felt I had it all and that I was living the feminist dream.

My husband did not work. He had a drinking problem. His behavior became increasingly violent. When he harmed the children, I left him.

My life changed radically. As a single working mother of two small boys, I could no longer be a superstar at the office.

My special-needs child required frequent hospitalization, which meant hundreds of thousands of dollars in medical debt.

Then my father had a lingering death from pancreatic cancer.

I couldn’t afford not to work, so I dialed in a very sketchy job performance and my professional reputation suffered.

Meanwhile, my ex-husband was committing acts of violence, which meant round after round of restraining orders. It was chaos.

Fast-forward 10 years. The boys and I have a loving relationship. Both children excel in college. After many years and diligent effort, I’ve resolved the financial problems. The boys even have a healthy relationship with their father.

The problem is that I am firmly stuck in the past. I miss the time when I used to have everything, including a husband whom I loved.

The other women in my circle from that time are doing great things — running international organizations, working in the White House, etc. I’m just kind of a has-been.

I know I made the right choices. But I can’t stop thinking of what I had and what might have been, if we had kept it together as a family.